V 




Class _jL 
Book 



C^m6kW l^iS 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



RAMBLES 
ROUND THE CAMPUS 

BY 
MELVIN RYDER 




BOSTON 

SHERMAN, FRENCH 6- COMPANY 

1915 



-^3^ 

1^^^:^ 



^k\^^^ 



COPYEIGHT, 1915 

Sherman, French & Company 



If I; 
DEC 17 1915 



'CI.A416948 



CONTENTS 

PAGE 

Fable of the Peck Measure .... 1 

Free Verse and Worse 3 

Aba Daba Daba, May His Tribe Increase . 5 

To BE Lived through 7 

Exam List for the Faculty 9 

Slang and Near- language 11 

The Mote in Your Eye 13 

The Vision of Nivlem 15 

How Are You Educated ? 17 

Cutting down Cherry Trees . . . . 19 

Seven Years Too Late 21 

Playing Marbles 23 

Real College Spirit 25 

Falling in Love 27 

The Mouse and the Lion 29 

Imaginary Confessions 31 

Wings of Imagination 33 

The Stars are Coming out 35 

Taking Other People's Dust .... 37 

Deuce and Your Ad 39 

On the Level and on the Square ... 41 

" He's My Pal " 43 

Fable of the Oyster 45 

Unproductive Prodigal Sons .... 47 



PAGE 

We Are All Desperate ! . . . . . .49 

He Hated Himself 51 

humpty dumpty 53 

Lights of the City 55 

Substitute for Studying 57 

Derelicts of Life 59 

Being Happy Always 61 

The World Today 62 

Highbrows — by a Lowbrow 64 

Danger! Busy Men! 66 

Fable of the Empty Wagon 68 

Observing Nature 70 

Mere Pretenders 72 

Cure for Discouragement 74 

Cloistered Culture 77 

College Men's English ...... 79 

Being so Funny 81 

Cherry Pies and Life 82 

Growing Up 84 

Perspiration and Inspiration .... 86 

Ten Little Indians 88 

Through the Ages, round the World . . 90 

The College Man 92 

I Wish I Were Home 94 

" In a Friendly Sort o' Way " .... 96 

Ballast and Cargo 98 

Reflections . .100 



RAMBLES 
ROUND THE CAMPUS 



FABLE OF THE PECK MEASURE 

Once upon a time there came to a university a 
freshman who had been valedictorian of his class 
and the " four " in the Farmburg " Four Hun- 
dred." His uncle was president of the Lincoln 
County National Bank and his father was a 
high mogul in charge of a farm that had gradu- 
ally become inclosed within the city limits, to 
the financial and social advantage of the family. 

After the first two weeks, our hero took a par- 
tial inventory and made a report on himself, by 
himself, to himself. He found that he had not 
been elected president of his class, that his 
freshman cap was hardly becoming to him, and 
that his profs seemed to think him as funny as a 
comic paper might be. 

In fact, the profs had issued waivers on him 
soon after they called the roll for attendance. 
They found nobody at home, the wires discon- 
nected and the receiver down. He was a talking 
machine without a point. Do you get our char- 
acterization correctly ? 

The only bid he received was one to appear at 
an exclusive get-apart meeting in the ofl^ce of the 
dean of his college. We regret that we did not 
1 



2 THE PECK MEASURE 

term the dean an executive officer. One bet lost. 
It seems that the jury of his peers, — which is a 
new nickname for professors, — had not recom- 
mended mercy when they gave their verdict. 

The dean was in a hurry, so he did not waste 
his vocabulary. The syllabus of his remarks 
was that our hero might have the qualifications 
of a clerk, as far as first silent impressions were 
concerned, but that the college was overcrowded 
and that the second-hand book store was located 
nearby. Our hero admitted that his eyesight 
could fail, and strange to say, — it did. Farm- 
burg now has an added citizen, — for our hero 
could vote, — the family income has a bandaged 
appearance, the newspapers have a dependable 
source of police news, and the university has a 
former student who still wears his watchfob with 
" '18" on it. The moral: That you can sel- 
dom put a bushel in a peck measure. 



FREE VERSE AND WORSE 

I wish I was a rock, a-sittin' on a hill, 
A-doin' nothin' all day long but just a-sittin' 
still. 

When the green o' the grass gets brighter, 
when the cool o' the evening is lighter, when the 
warm breezes blow, and ambitions go — no, we 
guess we'll have to drop this ambition of ours to 
improvise a few rhymes, for this is spring 
weather and we have a " dishragy " feeling of 
laziness. 

What is the use of having spring? We're too 
lazy to try presenting arguments. Spring is 
similar to the " Children's Hour," perhaps. 

" Between the dark and the daylight, 
As the night is beginning to lower, 

Comes a pause in the day's occupations, 
That is known as the Children's hour." 

I wish I were a rock, a-sittin' on a hill, doin' 
nothin' all day long but singing " A Perfect 
Day." Quite an ambition.? Perhaps spring is 
not similar to the " Children's Hour." Who 
knows ? Ever hear that song, " Sweet Katie 
3 



4 FREE VERSE AND WORSE 

O'Grady"? It goes like this: "Sweet Katie 
O'Grady, my dear little rose ; she's my perfect 
lady, she don't powder her nose." 

I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't even 

whistle, 
I'd just lay still the whole day long, . . . 

Wonder what rhymes with whistle besides 
thistle? Oh, well, — you'll give us poetic license 
to ignore the breaking of the first principle of 
poetic construction — on such a day as this? 
We are coming to the end of a perfect-ly crazy 
editorial. We wish we were a periwinkle! 
What is a periwinkle ? Ah, that would be tellin' ! 

If the world were a bucket of soap and of water. 

And I had a bubble-pipe. 
I would blow, I would blow, and the bubbles 
would go. 

And go and go and go. 



ABA DABA DABA, MAY HIS TRIBE 
INCREASE 

We read recently that one of the few original 
contributions to literature written since the year 
one thousand that could not be traced to an 
earlier source is John Bunyan's " Pilgrim's 
Progress." An examination of early Greek 
writings will probably disclose the fact that even 
this unusual story had inspiration in some simi- 
lar yarn. All of which is admissable as evidence 
that there is little new under the sun and moon. 

Now that we have established such a fact, we 
propose to demand why there is a scarcity of 
originality among university students. Why 
are we in unending ruts ? Why do we accept the 
dance as the only form of amusement? Why 
do we tread the same paths daily, without devia- 
tion into brighter and sunnier avenues.? Why 
do we take ourselves so seriously because it has 
been the habit since the Stone Age? Why do 
professors assume their caps and growns of 
dignified preponderance? Why not sweep out 
the old order and insert something new? 

Let's give the women the vote for the sake of 
novelty. Why not laugh and smile habitually? 



6 ABA DABA DABA 

Why not carry mandolins or saxaphones with 
us, instead of canes, for the sake of originality ? 
Why not discard some of the humdrumery of 
college and substitute originality such as is 
found in women's wearing apparel? Now, we 
do not expect the adoption of every suggestion 
made, but we would feel gratified if some one 
would find a substitute form of recreation for 
dancing. Who will try ? Think it over at least. 
That would be encouraging. 



TO BE LIVED THROUGH 

" Life has been good to me, and as I look back 
upon it no one thing seems more precious than the 
thought that I have been much trusted with deep 
things in the lives of other men and women. Next 
to living great things for one's self (we learn by- 
and-by to put that aside) it is wonderful to be lived 
through. It is wonderful to know a human soul 
and ask nothing of it, nothing at all, save its utter 
confidence." 

This is the personal testimonial of one of the 
greatest writers of the present day. He is a 
quiet man of influence and power. He has made 
us see the beauty of the mild outdoor life. He 
has been " lived through," as he puts it, but the 
world judges that he has " lived great things " 
himself. 

Many, if not every one of us, are lived 
through. We have been trusted and we have 
trusted with a certain frankness that is charac- 
teristic of college folk. Occasionally our trust 
has been misplaced, or, rather, imprudently 
directed. Egotism may have been misunder- 
stood when we tried to be frank and open. 

When life is good to us and when it seems to 



8 TO BE LIVED THROUGH 

be treating us in a rough-shod manner, we have 
need of friends in whom we can confide. We 
have need of persons who can understand and 
who can share our burdens, fancied and real. 
Young persons, however, do not get over the 
thought of living great things in themselves. In 
the spring, the summer, and the other seasons, 
the young man's fancy keeps turning to thoughts 
of great accomplishments. He throws the little 
things about recklessly, eager for a big task. 
Many times he neglects an opportunity to be 
lived through, and thereby to be of immediate 
benefit for good. Couldn't we redraft the 
Golden Rule to read : " Live and be lived 
through as you would have others live and be 
lived through by you ".^^ 



EXAM LIST FOR THE FACULTY 

Craving pardon for bringing back such a ter- 
rible subject as examinations, we would that we 
might depart from the usual method of speaking 
thereof and say a few words along the hne of an 
editorial that appeared in the columns of one of 
our contemporaries recently. A list of five ques- 
tions was asked of the members of the faculty. 
Each professor was instructed to do any seven 
of the five questions asked and to hire a cop to 
watch while the examination was in progress. 
The questions follow: 

" 1. Just about what percent do you know of 
the exam you gave your class? 

" 2. Write for an hour on what the average 
student thinks of you. Be specific. 

" 3. Use your imagination and write five thou- 
sand words on either of the following subjects: 
* Student Life during Examinations ' or ' Dante's 
Inferno.' 

" 4. Take the examination books of your section 
and read them word for word. Don't hurry, be- 
cause your students may not survive the shock. 

" 5. Don't tolerate student opinions. Profes- 
sional dignity is a serious matter. If you have any 
9 



10 EXAM LIST FOR THE FACULTY 

lectures to attend or other weighty matters, it is 
always safe to base your mark on any one ques- 
tion." 

The editor added that he would be glad to send 
a marked copy to any professor who would be 
benefited. He should have said, " who should 
need its possible benefits." We have been writ- 
ing copiously in an effort to convince students 
of the relative importance of the many interests 
about the university. Here are five thoughts 
directed toward those faculty members who may 
have slipped into instructional ruts. If the shoe 
fits, accept our guarantee and wear it. You will 
be getting a bargain. 



SLANG AND NEAR-LANGUAGE 

Classic slang is seldom found in libraries. O. 
Henry must have " put one over " when he " got 
by " with the following bit of chatter found in 
his book, " Cabbages and Kings " : 

" His Nibs skedaddled yesterday per jack-rabbit 
line with all the coin in the kitty and the bundle 
of muslin he's spoony about. The boodle is six 
figures short. Our crowd in good shape, but we 
need the spondulicks. You collar it. The main 
guy and the drygoods are headed for the briny. 
You know what to do. 

" Bob." 

For the benefit of the uneducated, the para- 
graph of cypherized language means that a citi- 
zen eloped with a girl and most of the coin in 
stock. The couple are headed for a convenient 
seaport, with the presumed intention of taking 
an ocean voyage until the sheriff leaves for his 
summer vacation, or a change of administration 
arrives. 

We like slang. We like to read slang. We 
understand it and use it. We don't like to see 
it mixed in with legitimate language, because the 
11 



12 SLANG AND NEAR-LANGUAGE 

combination spoils both the language and the 
dialect. We hate " cheap slang." Many per- 
sons who use such expressions as " O you kid," 
" buleeve muh," " I gotchu," and " slip it to 
muh " continually, ought to be barred from col- 
lege. We believe it is possible to use it or let it 
alone when the person has an average amount of 
will power. Therefore let us, as did Shake- 
speare, use the jargon tongue carefully. 



THE MOTE IN YOUR EYE 

There was once a boy who was a hero-worship- 
per, just as you and I. He tried to live up to 
the example of a senior in this university who 
was a fine young man of excellent habits, a hus- 
tler and a star in everything that he undertook. 

The youngster admired the older student and 
tried to follow the example which was afforded. 
The two became well acquainted. The older 
boy took a great interest in the youngster and 
helped in a number of ways. 

Finally it happened that the youngster dis- 
covered one small flaw in his hero. He could not 
reconcile the trifling defect with the many fine 
points of character which the other exhibited at 
all times, and he lost his admiration. He had 
expected such great things from his hero that 
the disappointment was severe. He decided that 
all his admiration had been misplaced. Was he 
right? We do not think so. 

Do not lose faith in another until you must. 
Do not let the one flaw, the one scratch on the 
beautiful statue, stand out so prominently in 
your mind that the beauty of the whole is lost. 
Appreciate the good in every one and make al- 
13 



14 MOTE IN YOUR EYE 

lowances for the things that are not good. 
Judge not — too critically. Take him back as 
jour hero, boy friend. He is worthy. A 
scratch is a defect, but if you see the beauty of 
the entire character of your friend, you will 
overlook the scratch. The scratch will not re- 
main, either, if we have judged your hero cor- 
rectly. 



THE VISION OF NIVLEM 

From the brow of a hill that is called Uni- 
versityville we look backward over a curved path 
that has woven through thickets filled with un- 
derbrush, through glens and dingles, in shadows 
and through open spaces that are bright with 
sunshine. We see where we will never travel 
again, for the way is onward toward the distant 
east and we have come from a land that grows 
hazy with the following dimness of the continual 
setting of the sun westward. 

We see places where the path forked. We see 
attractive byways that might have been followed 
into rose-bowers that are now seen in their true 
disgusting semblance of beauty. We cannot see 
the rough places as we did when we traveled 
along that way. Only the bright spots remain 
clearly outlined in memory's vision. It is with 
regret, however passing, that we turn to look 
forward. 

Soon we will be traveling away from the brow 
of this hill where we now stand. Soon we will 
be treading the rocky path that leads o'er suc- 
cessive hills and valleys, through dark ravines, 
along the edges of precipices, overlooking 
15 



16 THE VISION OF NIVLEM 

chasms deep as dungeons in the earth. A few 
more weeks and Universityville Hill will be 
stored away in the files of memory, seen only in 
the lapses of toil and strife, when idleness per- 
mits a backward glance such as we now take. 

Some day we will reach the summit of another 
hill, another, and then others, until at last we 
will hear the chimes of time playing, and we will 
rest from our journey. But ere we go ahead, 
glance with us again at the scene behind. It is 
good to behold. Yonder is the home where we 
used to play as children. Perhaps there is a 
little red schoolhouse hidden by the branches of 
sumac trees at a cross-roads. Perhaps the 
school is in a bustling city, surrounded by lawns 
and trees, brick pavements and a tiny school- 
yard where recesses were spent. Enough. We 
have a glance, and that must suffice. Look for- 
ward and thankful be that there is a forward and 
that the road leads on. 



HOW ARE YOU EDUCATED? 

A professor in the University of Chicago 
recently told his students he should consider 
them educated in the best sense of the word when 
they could say yes to every one of the questions 
that he should put to them. The following were 
the questions that he desired them to be able to 
answer in the affirmative : 

" Has education given you sympathy with all the 
good causes and made you espouse them? 

" Has it made you public-spirited ? 

" Has it made you a brother to the weak? 

" Have you learned how to make friends and 
keep them ? 

" Do you know what it is to be a friend yourself? 

" Can you look an honest man or a pure woman in 
the eye? 

" Do you see anything to love in a little child? 

" Will a lonely dog follow you in the street ? 

" Can you be high-minded and happy in the 
meanest drudgeries of life? 

" Do you think washing dishes and hoeing corn 
just as compatible with high thinking as piano 
playing or golf? 

"Are you good for anything yourself? 

"Can you be happy alone? 
17 



18 HOW ARE YOU EDUCATED? 

" Can you look out on the world and see anything 
except dollars and cents? 

" Can you look into a mud puddle by the wayside 
and see a clear sky? 

** Can you see anything in the puddle but mud? 

" Can you look into the sky at night and see be- 
yond the stars ? " 

Cut out this editorial and pin it up before 
your study lamp. Look at it often, read the 
above questions and ponder over them. There 
is a world of philosophy and of serious thinking 
connected with every question that this professor 
asked. Can you say " yes " to any or all of the 
questions? Take another look at the last five 
questions. How about the next to the last one? 
" Do you see anything to love in little chil- 
dren?" "Can you look an honest man or a 
pure woman in the eye ? " " Are you good for 
anything yourself," especially for anything that 
is brotherly or sisterly? How are you edu- 
cated ? 



CUTTING DOWN CHERRY TREES 

" By the way, George," said the father of the 
father of his country one time, as he scrutinized 
the ruin of his favorite fruit tree, " who did this 
job of chopping? " 

" Father," answered George, " I cannot tell a 
lie. I did it with my little hatchet." 

If we only had more cherry trees and log 
cabins in this land of the free, we might have 
more presidents than we could crowd into the 
White House, without doubling up the terms of 
office. We nearly forgot to write an editorial 
on cherry trees, and we absolutely neglected to 
pay our respects, to the subject of log cabins a 
week ago, so we hope to combine the two here. 

Who knows but that George thought he would 

add to his reputation as an industrious son when 

he told his father the truth in regard to the 

cherry tree episode. " Woodman, spare that 

tree " had not been written at that time. How 

was George to know that cutting down the tree 

that grew bright red cherries would irritate his 

fond parent? Because George told the truth 

once, can we conclude that he would not have 

denied pulling the cat's tail, or throwing stones 

at the geese in order to hear them squawk? 
19 



20 CUTTING DOWN CHERRY TREES 

Because Abraham Lincoln was lucky enough 
to be born in a log cabin, we conclude that log 
cabins are the proper things for cradling presi- 
dential ambitions. It wasn't on account of far- 
sightedness on the part of the parents that they 
didn't build a bungalow or an office building. 
It was just one incident similar in point of 
chance to the cherry-tree affair. 

Why urge children to tell the truth every 
time they cut down a cherry tree.? Why tell us 
that we might have a chance to succeed Woodrow 
Wilson when the stock of habitable log cabins is 
unfortunately limited.? It is rather discourag- 
ing. 

We cut down a dogwood sapling one time and 
carried it about two miles, under the impression 
that it was sassafras. We admitted freely that 
we had done the chopping, under the impression 
that it was a commendable exertion. When we 
discovered our mistake, we wished we had almost 
blamed the matter on a recent storm or an earth- 
quake. 

Let's make believe that everything in this 
world that we do is a cherry tree, and that all 
things that are within our scope of knowledge are 
log cabins. Let's tell the truth about all our 
cutting-downs, and let's make believe we were 
born in log cabins. Then let's follow the ex- 
amples of George and Abe until we get to some 
White House. 



SEVEN YEARS TOO LATE 

" Seven years, my lord, have now passed since I 
waited in your outward rooms, or was repulsed 
from your door; during which time I have been 
pushing on my work through difficulties of which 
it is useless to complain, and have brought it at 
last to the verge of publication, without one act of 
assistance, one word of encouragement, or one 
smile of favor." 

This extract from a letter written by Dr. 
Samuel Johnson to Lord Chesterfield tells a 
story. Dr. Johnson, when he was comparatively 
unknown, sought Lord Chesterfield's assistance. 
When the dictionary was practically completed, 
when Dr. Johnson had little need of such patron- 
age. Lord Chesterfield expressed a willingness to 
act as patron. The encouragement had been so 
long delayed that Dr. Johnson was indifferent 
and cared nothing for it. 

The same story could be written today, with 
changed details, concerning many who are strug- 
gling for places. Praise, glory, and riches 
crown the man atop the ladder of fame, but below 
the select few there is little encouragement. 

The football player plods along through hours 
21 



2^ SEVEN YEARS TOO LATE 

of hard practice until he, through some chance of 
necessity, perhaps, is called upon to go into a 
game. He scores. He is hailed at once as a 
great player. Cheers for the winner, jeers for 
the less capable, which in many cases means the 
less fortunate. 

So is it in every profession, in every branch of 
work. The struggling young actor, lawyer, 
physician, writer, — all varieties and classes of 
the unknown, — more usually rise above the sur- 
face before encouragement is given. Then it is 
frequently unneeded. 

What did Dr. Johnson need of encouragement 
after he had succeeded.'' Is it anything to cause 
wonder that he was indifferent.? But what 
greater deeds could he have accomplished if en- 
couragement and assistance had been tendered 
seven years before. Give to the successful the 
praise that is their due, but, better far, give to 
him or her who needs, by some word or act, a 
little of encouragement. 



PLAYING MARBLES 

It's your shot ! We're playing marbles. Do 
you know how to play this boyhood game? 
We'll remind you of a few of the rules. In 
playing marbles the first requisite is to have a 
*' shooter." Most boys have preferences as to 
color, size, composition, weight, and smoothness. 
You must choose for yourself. 

Now, then, we draw a circle or an oval about 
a foot across. It doesn't matter very much as 
to the exact size. Each player puts a marble 
into the ring. Then the players stand a short 
distance aAvay, at " base," and try to hit the 
marbles in the ring. The first time you try you 
may not even hit inside the ring. Practice 
makes efficiency in playing the game. 

When we come to college we are supposed to 
put away childish things. However, we can de- 
rive lessons from even such childish games as 
marbles. Playing the game of life is similar to 
playing marbles. Each player must choose the 
" shooter " which he will use. He must use his 
judgment as to the kind that will be best adapted 
to him, that will give the best results. 

The marbles correspond to the aims and the 
23 



24* PLAYING MARBLES 

ideals of life. They are in the ring, and they 
can be won by the player who can shoot accu- 
rately. Some persons win many marbles in the 
game of life ; others finish with one or two, while 
some never obtain any, though they play hard. 
Many become discouraged after they miss several 
times, and they quit trying hard. Others see 
their friends winning and declare that the game 
is one of chance. They may explain that a per- 
son must be a born marble player to win. The 
marbles may be hit but not knocked out of the 
ring. So in life we may touch or scratch the 
surface of those things for which we strive with- 
out getting far enough ahead to gain a victory. 
Just one other point, — there are rules in the 
game of marbles and in the game of life. In 
marbles " hunching " is not allowed. Various 
restrictions are placed on the game by the con- 
sent of the players in order that the game may 
be fair to all. Various players in this other 
game have rules that are observed. Violations 
are not permitted, by common consent. Those 
who try to " hunch " are punished. 



REAL COLLEGE SPIRIT 

There is a lot said and imagined about this 
particular member of the spirit tribe. It is hard 
to define. Here are a few things that do not 
make college spirit : 

Giving the college yells at every opportunity. 
They are all right in their place. 

Wearing the college colors. Striking neck- 
ties accomplish the same object many times. 

Talking about the college. Easy to talk and 
hard to do. 

Bluffing the professors. It is usually one- 
sided, the professor being on the right side. 

Attending all the amusements connected with 
university life. Many times this does not 
signify college spirit, but merely a desire to be 
popular. 

Here are a few of the things that really do 
make college spirit of the genuine type : 

Genuine work, in the classrooms and the 
laboratories. 

Due respect for the professors and men under 
whom you work. 

Honest work in student activities. A real 
25 



S6 REAL COLLEGE SPIRIT 

method of showing possession of the right spirit. 

Financial support of athletics, the newspaper, 
and other things that are dependent upon such 
support for their prosperity. 

Manly deportment at all times. 

Social service to one's fellow-students. 



FALLING IN LOVE 

(CONFIDENTIAL) 

Eddie never fell in love — according to his 
own statement. He admits having fallen from 
the top of a barn several years before he came to 
work in the mechanical department of this office. 
He even tells of other precipitations hardly less 
dangerous than barn-falling, but he declares that 
he never fell in love. 

You have much to learn, Eddie. Would that 
we, like you, had never fallen into that condition 
which you so cleverly describe as the " bottom- 
less pit." And yet we would not have missed 
the joy, — the indescribable sensation of falling 
into love! We will tell you about it, friend 
Eddie. 

We were in the first year of high school. We 
were so alphabetically fortunate that we sat 
directly in front of the girl. Since she will 
probably never read this, we will whisper through 
the keys of our typewriter that her name was 
Rose. A pretty girl, a little girl, with brown 
eyes and an attractive nose, was Rose. Her 
hair was dark brown, and her smile was charm- 
27 



^8 FALLING IN LOVE 

ing. We fell in love, Eddie. Not at first sight, 
understand ! We were far too slow, as it were. 

On an Indian summer day did we realize that 
we were in love. We could no more study our 
first-year algebra lesson than we could fox trot, 
in those days when fox-trotting was yet undis- 
covered. Finally we turned around in our seat 
and leaned our arm on Rose's desk. She told us 
to turn around, — that she was trying to study, 
and that the teacher was looking. We answered 
that we didn't want to turn around. It was 
true, too. We didn't want to turn around. 
Persons who are in love never want to turn 
around, — so we have been told. We didn't turn 
around, either. Wouldn't that have been cow- 
ardly — to retreat in confusion simply because 
we were told to do so ? Faint heart never would 
have won Rose. Honest, Eddie, faint heart 
never would ! 

It didn't last long, Eddie. Rose pounded our 
elbow with her chubby fist. The teacher saw, 
and ordered the editorial us of us to come up and 
sit in the corner with our face toward the wall. 
She also moved Rose's seat to the other side of 
the room. Romance was lost in the scuffle, as 
you are wont to say. Yes, it was a sad ending, 
Eddie. If only the teacher had been reading a 
letter from the man she knew in college! But 
such is the way of the world, Eddie ! 



THE MOUSE AND THE LION 

In these days of student government it is in- 
teresting to note the ingenuity of the various 
associations in making rules and regulations 
concerning the actions of undergraduates. The 
Student-Government Association of one univer- 
sity has devised a point system that eliminates a 
student from getting over forty points credit in 
activities each year. 

Are such rules needed anywhere? Isn't the 
situation something similar to that of the mouse 
and the lion? This fable is different from the 
lion and the mouse. 

There was once a mouse, and he was a pros- 
perous and law-abiding animal. He was going 
about his business one day and he met a lion. 
The lion put his paw in front of the mouse and 
ordered the other to stop. The lion explained 
that he desired to help the smaller animal in 
every possible way, and consequently he had 
decided that he would direct everything that the 
mouse did. The mouse explained that he was 
more than paying expenses, and that he didn't 
need such care. The lion did not believe that an 
animal so small was in a very prosperous condi- 
29 



30 THE MOUSE AND THE LION 

tion. He refused to listen to the pleadings of 
the mouse and proceeded to restrict and restrain 
the mouse in every way. 

The mouse didn't grow larger, as the lion had 
expected. The opposite result took place. 
The mouse began to get thinner and thinner. 
By that time the lion had forgotten all about the 
mouse. The mouse and the lion are still living, 
but the mouse is having a hard time of it. 

Is it worth while for lions to regulate the 
habits of mice? When the mice become thinner 
and thinner, isn't it time for the lions to come 
back and make an efficiency survey of their rules 
and regulations.'' 



IMAGINARY CONFESSIONS 

" Our problems of life are dress and men. 
Perhaps our third greatest problem is the matter 
of dates. It might be listed under the general 
subject of men, but it deserves special attention. 
We think of dress, men, and dates just about all 
our spare time. College girls have funny ideas 
about men. Many girls have lost all perspec- 
tive concerning them. They think of men as 
they do of new dresses. They must be had. It 
doesn't matter especially as to the kind of ma- 
terial, — just so we can have a sort of back- 
ground to show us off. Girls without fellows are 
as flowers without persons to appreciate them. 
We just want to have a man handy, because that 
is what is known as popularity. We have to 
play a continual game of blufF, in a great many 
ways, in order to keep them coming, but it's all 
in the game, so we do it." 

Can you imagine some popular university girl 
making some such confession ? We confess that 
heaps of imagination are required for even con- 
ceiving the possibility of such a thing, and yet — 
don't a great many girls sort of feel ashamed 
of themselves at times.? Don't a great many 
31 



3^ IMAGINARY CONFESSIONS 

persons get a trifle disgusted at the apparent 
necessity of leading a fashion-plate existence? 
We wonder how many girls and fellows hate to 
dance? We wonder how many girls who are 
worth a baker's dozen of the insignificant butter- 
flies feel at times when they get away from the 
call of the dance orchestra? Don't think that 
we believe that social activities are not worth 
while, for that is not correct. Don't think that 
we are trying to be sarcastic because there are 
many who enjoy such diversions more than we. 
We are trying to make shoes that will fit a cer- 
tain type of girls and men. If the fit is perfect, 
better take a second thought about such an 
imaginary confession as we have written. What 
sort of confession would you like to make, if 
there were no orthodox persons within hearing 
distance ? 



WINGS OF IMAGINATION 

The bleachers are crowded. It is the after- 
noon of the Big Six contest. To the north is the 
North Pole. To the east is China. To the 
west is China. To the south is the Equator. 
The track meet is almost over. The crowd is 
impatiently awaiting the finish of the five-mile 
cross-country run. 

There is a cry. A pause, and then a runner 
comes into sight. He is running desperately. 
He isn't singing or talking — just running. 
Nearer and nearer to the finish does he come with 
each step. His head is thrown far back. With 
difficulty does he make his weary muscles respond 
to his will. He knows that he must win. Since 
he is the only runner in the race, we suppose he 
will. Let's leave him alone and turn our atten- 
tion to another scene. 

This is a fit night for a tragedy. The rain is 
not over ; in fact, not yet begun. However, it is 
predicted. The night is comparatively so. A 
dark form may be seen slinking along the edge 
of the grass, if our eyesight is in fair condition, 
if there is a dark form present, and if the grass 
has an edge. What is that shiny instrument 
33 



34 WINGS OF IMAGINATION 

that flashes? Is it a knife? We don't know; 
do you? 

Our next hero is Amos Kito. He is swimming 
in the Olentangy River. To explain: he fell 
from a convenient bridge. He never swam be- 
fore, and perhaps never will again. In other 
words, he cannot swim. Therefore he despairs 
of ever reaching the shore. The food supply 
being limited, owing to the lack of bread cast 
upon the waters, Amos will probably drown. 
He thinks he will. He has swallowed several 
gallons of water. He struggles desperately and 
cries for assistance. He starts to go down for 
the third time. Down, down, he goes. Then 
he finds that the stream at that point is only 
four feet deep. He stands upright and walks 
ashore. 

This is an editorial. We are running a race 
herein against no competition. The only thing 
that flashes is the metal on our typewriter. The 
editorial is less deep than the Olentangy. We 
fell from the bridge of imagination. We prob- 
ably never will do so again. Is there nothing 
consoling about this editorial? The answer is 
— there is something consoling: we have not 
pointed out a moral. We will not try. Per- 
haps you can find one — if you are an impres- 
sionist. 



THE STARS ARE COMING OUT 

" You remember the smoke of burning leaves, as 
in dripping football togs you ran up the graveled 
path to the gymnasium. You remember the red 
and green of autumn hills and the crunch of snow 
beneath your feet. Most of all, you remember the 
last spring evening, when as seniors you sat singing 
as the sun faded in the west and the stars came out, 
until at last it had to come, and, bareheaded, you 
sang to the Alma Mater. These are memories of 
little things, but for some reason they refuse to be 
forgotten." 

So writes one college graduate in after years. 
What will your memories be as you sit as seniors 
in the college of life, as the sun is fading in the 
west, as the stars are coming out, and — all.? 
What will you carry away with you from college 
that will grow dearer with the passing years.? 

Do you remember the first week of college, as 
with humble and timid spirits you started along 
the road that ends in commencement.? Do you 
remember the happiness that filled your heart 
when you discovered the " buried treasures " that 
were in the hearts of your companions, when 
vou found friends that have remained faithful 
^ 35 



56 THE STARS ARE COMING OUT 

and true? Do you remember the tears of joy 
that came to your eyea at certain evidences of 
these friendships ? Our eyes are filled with tears 
just now and a gulping sensation is with us as 
we try to write these lines. 

Perhaps you remember even before you are 
graduated, some certain chum, some certain girl 
or boy whom you loved and still love. Ah, the 
joy of it all ! The wonderfulness of life and love 
and happiness ! " Star-bright, star-bright," — 
in yonder clear sky, — I wish, I wish that dreams 
might come true ! Home, sweet home — of the 
future ! Away in the distance, shining clear, 
like the coming of a perfect year, is the land 
where dreams come true. We will carry with us 
precious memories of our college days, and we 
will strive to achieve that happiness that comes 
when dreams come true. 



TAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S DUST 

It's human nature to hate to take other 
people's dust. Your car may be small; it may 
have a bark like the yipping of a Pomeranian 
poodle, or it may emit a deep, whiplike crack 
with each explosion ; it may be geared to take all 
the grades at express-train speed, or it may 
climb as though it would fall apart before the top 
of the incline is reached; but all drivers are 
similarly affected with the common desire to keep 
ahead of the car behind. 

Are you taking some one's dust in college? Is 
some one passing you right now, — sliding along 
while you appear to be standing still or in re- 
verse? What are you doing about the matter? 
If you cannot take the grades, — which in col- 
lege is synonymous to getting the grades, — it is 
time to put yourself into a mental repair garage 
and go over your engine and transmission 
thoroughly. 

Perhaps you have a bad mixture ! That is a 
common automobile trouble. Too much recrea- 
tion, side attractions, and idleness destroy the 
efficiency of your machine. On the other hand, 
jou may be trying to run on pure gasoline, — 
37 



38 TAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S DUST 

continual study with no recreation. Then you 
may be finding that there is a bad knock some- 
where which is pulHng down your power. 

Get the right mixture while you are in college ! 
Do some experimenting. Find out how you 
work best, and when. Adjust your carburetor, 
clean off your sparkplugs, oil up your differen- 
tial, make an occasional examination of your 
transmission, and tune yourself up to the best 
working schedule. Know yourself, if you would 
wish to be able to travel, if you would keep out 
of the repair shops. 

Don't take other people's dust ! The beauty 
about us is that we have the ability to increase 
our physical and our brain power as we choose. 
There is no excuse for letting any one pass, if 
we get ourselves into proper working order and 
drive to win. 



DEUCE AND YOUR AD 

When a tennis game is at " deuce," the result 
is uncertain. When it is " your ad," the sky 
clears somewhat and you begin to think that at 
last you have found your form. Then it goes 
back to deuce again, and again several times, and 
realization comes that the game is hard and the 
chances for defeat numerous. 

Instead of your ad, in a few seconds it may be 
" game " for the opponent. Too many stu- 
dents, too many lovers, and too many unromantic 
schemers never get beyond the " ad " score. 
They never get the game, or the set, or the con- 
test. Just a glimpse and an incentive to play 
hard comes to them with the approach of vic- 
tory, and then chances go glimmering with a 
badly played ball, a poor stroke, or a bit of 
bad judgment. 

The test of the player is shown by the ability 
to get beyond the ad stage. A miss is as bad 
when the score is your ad, as though the game 
went " love " against you. And yet not nearly 
as bad. It is better far to reach deuce or ad 
than not to have scored at all. The sun may be 
in your eyes, the court may be rough, the ball 
39 



40 I)i:UCK AND YOITR AD 

may hake Mil iiiioxptctt'd bound and you fail to 
hv lit lionic when tlu' cutting racktt, of your op- 
ponent swishes the ball Into the far corner or 
down the alley. 

Life is Just one tennis game after anotlier, 
jush one set of g'ames following another. "^Fhe 
winner gets Ihe ci-edit. 'Vhc loser is credited 
with losing, and soon loses even that credit. 
When one player finishes, another takes Ins 
place. 'Vhv game of life goes on, with each suc- 
ceeding set showing more caf)able players, bet- 
t(>r executed plays. l*lay the game fair and 
hard, use your brains as well as nuiscles, and be 
as good a loser as wiiuier. 



ON THE LEVEL AND ON THE SQUARE 

" W1k>ii tlie man is on l\\v level and the girl is 
on the KCjiuire " is n line from a })opiilar song 
that we like. Ih says so much and it tells the 
entire story. There is another song entitled 
" Playing the Game of Love." It contains simi- 
lar philosophy to that in the saying that " all's 
fair in love and war." 

Nothing is fair in love or war ex('ef)ting the 
rules of fair })lay and scpiare f)laying at all 
times. We heard a man say recently that he 
had been a rotter in a greah many ways, but that 
lie had always played fair with every girl that he 
had known, and we respected him for it. A fel- 
low can get a reputation for being slow and out 
of date easily when he ])lays fair, but he can 
liave satisfaction that over-balances such a 
reputation. 

We don't know anything /d)out girls. After 
a puzzle has been worked, or solved, is a person 
interested in it farther? '^I'ear a rose to pieces 
and the charm is lost. Is it worth while to tear 
the petals apart in quest of understanding? 
Isn't it better to appreciate the girl, or the 
roses, as they are? Tiny Tim's salutation 
41 



42 ON THE LEVEL 

might apply equally well to girls. No fellow 
is so good that he does not become better by as- 
sociation with the girl who is on the square. 
If he is on the level, the friendship is mutually 
beneficial. 



" HE'S MY PAL " 

You say you do not know him well? Let me 
tell you about him. He's my pal, friend, — my 
chum in whom I believe with all my heart, in 
whom I have faith that will always be, despite 
everything. He's the fellow that I would go to 
at once if I needed help. He's the fellow that 
would give me his last dollar gladly. 

A favor? Why, he would do favors for me 
every day and every hour, and not doubt me, 
nor think once of the imposition that I might 
be. He would come now, in the middle of the 
night, or at any time of day, should I call him. 
He would tend me if I became sick. He would 
sit up every night for a week, and thank God 
for the opportunity to do something for me. 
He would cut classes when he desired to merit 
all his work. He would consider it a privilege 
to answer " not prepared " if it were necessary. 
He would let his work pile up so that the coming 
vacation would have to be passed up, were it 
necessary in order that he might be a friend in 
need to me. 

No, you do not know this fellow. He's a true 

friend to a chap, and the kind of a fellow that 
43 



44 " HE'S MY PAL " 

one would do anything for in return. He may 
be rough, but his sincerity is not bluff. The 
" breaks " may be against me some of these days, 
or against him, but I know that he will stick to 
me and I'll do my best to stick to him, no mat- 
ter whatever may come. There's a lot of such 
close friendships in this university, friend, be- 
tween girl and girl, or fellow and fellow. Some 
fellows have several such friends, others have 
only one, but in every case of true " palship " 
you can count on each party raising the Golden 
Rule to the nth power. So you see, friend, my 
pal and I understand each other. 



FABLE OF THE OYSTER 

There is a Persian fable about a drop of water 
that fell from a cloud into the sea. Finding 
itself in such an immensity of fluid matter, it be- 
came discouraged. " What an insignificant 
creature am I in this great ocean," it said. " I 
am nothing. My existence is of no concern. I 
am the least of value in the world." 

It so happened, according to the fable, that 
an oyster chanced to swallow the drop, which 
lay hardening in the shell until finally it ripened 
into a pearl. It was found by a diver and is 
now highly valued among the people of the 
world. 

We confess that it is hard to apply this fable 
— or fish story. Was it accidental that the 
drop of water was swallowed by destiny in the 
shell of an oyster and changed into a valuable 
gem? We think not. We believe that the only 
difference between the fortunate and the unfor- 
tunate is in the degree of prudence, courage, and 
conduct. Cardinal Richelieu used to say that 
unfortunate and imprudent were but two words 
for the same thing. 

Homer's and Virgil's heroes were not credited 
45 



46 FABLE OF THE OYSTER 

with especial bravery. They were said to be 
favored by the gods, but that was only a figura- 
tive way of conferring glory upon a person who 
had sufficient determination in himself to capture 
golden fleeces or to keep battle-battered ships 
sailing homeward. 

After the defeat of the Spanish Armada, the 
King of Spain attributed the loss of his fleet to 
the unfortunate winds rather than to the bravery 
of the English. Fortune favors the side with 
the heaviest artillery ; notwithstanding, it is un- 
fortunate only that we cannot all be sufficiently 
prudent, or fortunate, to be turned into pearls 
of great price, as was the drop of water. 

There are many other ways of being of use be- 
sides turning into pearls, however, and no drop 
of water that exhibits ordinary prudence can 
claim to lack opportunity to be of value. Do 
not lament the scarcity of oysters, or blame it 
on luck, that you do not find a place of value in 
the world. 



UNPRODUCTIVE PRODIGAL SONS 

Not all prodigal sons get royal welcomes. 
Most of them get what they deserve, which is a 
taste of hard work. Many modern prodigals, 
however, expect their fathers to sell off a fatted 
calf every time their meal ticket gets punched as 
full of holes as a Swiss cheese, and they send 
home a letter. Four years of milk and honey, 
and the graduate or former student gets the 
habit of expecting the world to furnish Sunday 
dinners as a regular menu. 

When the other son turned in his resolution 
objecting to the action of the pater in digging 
deep for the home-coming reception, the father 
should have noticed the error of his ways and ac- 
cepted the minority report as basis for a referen- 
dum. He should have spoken thusly : " You're 
right, Jim ; I was easy. After this Clarence eats 
at the second table." For life is realistic, not 
idealistic, and the paths of prodigals seldom lead 
to the front doors. 

Sowing wild oats isn't a financial success. 
The market is usually found limited to the Sal- 
vation Army and the municipal lodging houses. 
When a college student finishes contributing to 
47 



48 UNPRODUCTIVE PRODIGAL SONS 

the bright-light fund, he is forgotten and al- 
lowed to find his own way back to the land of 
labor. He may stay around and watch from a 
distance, but unless he gets a job as taxi chauf- 
feur, he seldom gets in touch with the gay life 
until he can afford another full-dress outfit. 
There isn't much consolation in being a has-been 
at that. 

There are just two sides, the inside and the 
outside, to a great many things, including life 
and included in life. Stay on the inside. If 
you cannot sow marketable oats, get a job tying 
sacks or tending door. When some fond par- 
ent puts you into college, take the word of a 
brother and make hay while the weather's fair. 
Do as the village smithy and attempt something 
toward laying up a supply of salt. The suffer- 
ing Belgian has a much better chance to reach 
the parlor than the destitute prodigal. A moral 
that might be fitting to prospective prodigals is 
that many fathers believe in the Old Testament 
proverbs. 



WE ARE ALL DESPERATE! 

" Most men live lives of quiet desperation," 
said Thoreau. All men and all women live lives 
of desperation, varying in the degree of quiet- 
ness and of the seriousness of the fear and de- 
spair currents that swirl and eddy under the 
surface. We lead one life and we are of another 
life. Occasionally we get below the surface and 
expose traits of character, purposes, motives, and 
ideals that surprise even those friends who have, 
through their friendships, caught a glimpse of 
the true self that is in each of us. 

Examples of quiet desperation? Why, we are 
all desperate. The classroom is filled with des- 
perate students. We are desperate, fearing that 
we will be called upon or not called upon when 
we think ourselves capable or less capable of an- 
swering. The professor is desperate. He is 
trying to teach desperate students. How can 
he be otherwise.'^ 

Perhaps it is because so many broad roads run 

into narrow trails that finally turn up trees as 

squirrel trails, as Emerson says, that we become 

desperate continually. We start to travel along 

the road. The outlook is bright. We hurry 
49 



60 WE ARE ALL DESPERATE! 

along. Finally we crawl through the figurative 
underbrush and find the end of the trail blind. 
Such is life at times. 

Perhaps it is that ideals can never be com- 
pletely realized. Perhaps it is that the posses- 
sion, the accession of certain desired treasures 
does not bring the expected happiness. The 
position toward which we work appears to be 
hardly worth the means — after we get it. 
Perhaps it is that we cannot depend upon others 
to do things that we could not be depended upon 
to do, although we expect it from our friends. 

Let's try to cool our desperate spirits with a 
greater supply of contentment, with a better 
philosophy of all's-right-in-the-world. Let's 
have faith, for faith can remove mountains of 
desperation. Accept what comes today, pre- 
pare for what comes tomorrow, and have faith 
that all's well and that all ends well. 



HE HATED HIMSELF 

He hated himself. Alone he sat in his room. 
He was tired of muscle and fagged of brain. 
His books were pushed aside, and he held his 
heavy head in his cupped hands as though in 
desperation at the hardness of even such a task. 
A frown hung over his face. His teeth were 
clinched, drawing lines around his mouth. He 
hated himself. 

He was looking backward at the life from 
which he had arrived at the present. He was 
thinking of the future with discouragement. 
He had been selfish. He had disregarded right 
living and proper behaving, and he had de- 
fended his shortcomings with the excuse of ne- 
cessity. All are ambitious. He had been 
standing still toward several of his ambitions, 
rather than progressing. So he hated himself. 
He loved success, and he judged himself to be 
unworthy of attaining success. 

It wasn't a timely letter from mother, a 
thought of an old oaken bucket, a chance word 
of encouragement, or anything visible or audible 
that put the resolve into his heart. He did re- 
solve to keep up the fight. He did resolve to be 
51 



52 HE HATED HIMSELF 

worthy of the things that life brings to the 
young man. He had experienced the fear of fail- 
ure, which is frequently mistaken for failure. 
He made his resolve and he proceeded to get to 
work again. He forgot, in the interest of his 
work, that he might possibly fail. He was 
again a soldier, marching forward. He thought 
not of possible retreating. He was no longer a 
hater of himself. He was a respecter of himself 
and of his ability. 



HUMPTY DUMPTY 

He sat on a wall and he had a great fall. 
" All the king's horses and all the king's men 
couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again." 
Humpty wasn't an egg. He was a college stu- 
dent. The wall was not a regular wall, but a 
road that was steep in places and gently sloping 
at times. 

The college student wasn't sitting on the wall. 
He was walking along the road. He had been 
traveling the road for some twenty-odd years, 
and he couldn't see his destination. He wasn't 
alone. The roadway was filled with other 
young men and young women, and older persons 
in great numbers. 

Most of the travelers along this road were 
walking, but some were only able to crawl. 
Others trotted and galloped. Humpty Dumpty 
was right in the midst of the crowd. He had 
been making fair speed. He had reached a vil- 
lage along the way which was named University. 
'Twas just in the public square of this village 
that he had his fall. Oh, yes, we forgot to say 
that our Humpty didn't have one of the great 

falls. It was just a little fall, and one or two 
53 



54 HUMPTY DUMPTY 

of the king's horses and men could have grabbed 
hold of Humpty and put him back on his feet, 
but none were around and Humpty kept on roll- 
ing down the road, away from the direction in 
which he was headed. 

We don't know what will happen to Humpty. 
He is still rolling, and a rolling Humpty gath- 
ers a lot of dust and dirt. Somewhere along 
the way a few of the king's men may notice the 
poor chap and put him together again, so that 
he can make a fresh start, or he may continue 
rolling until he rolls off into some slimy gutter. 

Humpty Dumpty is just a college student, as 
we are. He didn't expect to take a tumble, but 
he hadn't been used to traveling in strange dis- 
tricts. Perhaps it was a banana peel, thrown 
by some careless traveler, which caused him to 
slide and go down. There are lots of careless 
travelers. There are many bad places in the 
roadbed. There is a need for more men to enlist 
as king's men and women to help the Humpty 
Dumpties to get back on their feet again. 



LIGHTS OF THE CITY 

What do the lights of a city mean? We tried 
to answer this question once before in this col- 
umn. We are going to try again. 

Every life is a light and every light is a life. 
Every light is a token of a certain kind of liv- 
ing, a separate phase of an individual person- 
ality. 

There are lights that betoken pleasure and 
recreation. They blaze ; they glitter with spar- 
kle and laughing recklessness ; they show a world 
unreal, for they show a one-sided kind of living 
and acting. In another section are found per- 
suasive lights that steal into the mind with al- 
luring signs, pointing out possibilities of bar- 
gains. They are the lights of the business 
section of the city. 

Steady-burning lights, calm and staring, are 
seen in another direction. Dance halls and sa- 
loons are there. The lights are dully, soberly 
burning where life is being thrown away by 
handfuls. Here are tenements. Pale are the 
lights, gloomed with dirty shades that cast a 
pallor over all. Hopelessness is told. Dis- 
couraged existence is the rule here. Ideals have 

been lost. 

55 



56 LIGHTS OF THE CITY 

The student lamp burns with promise. Am- 
bitions burn and glow; youth is about. Genii 
are the slaves of these lamps ; Aladdin's lamp is 
duplicated here. Rainbows come down here, 
each with a pot of gold in reach. 

The lights of the homes where happiness and 
joys are, are blessed lights. They reveal fam- 
ily circles, blessed with the ties that bind. 
Their beams fall upon children and mothers and 
fathers. 

Each light is a tempter. It cries : " Choose." 
Each person in the city sees every light, and 
does choose. Tiring of one, each person may 
change, but no person can serve all masters. 
Choice must be. 

What do the lights of the city mean? That 
man is master of his fate; that there are true 
gods and false gods ; and that life is what we 
make it, are partial answers to the question. 



SUBSTITUTE FOR STUDYING 

So you are worrying concerning that subject 
— do not think you will pass? Why not try 
studying? Well, there's something in that. 
One should never do what is inconvenient. We 
would suggest the observance of a few simple 
rules for the remainder of the semester. 

Cultivate a hungry appearance while the pro- 
fessor lectures. Sit in the first row and notice- 
ably demonstrate your frowning features during 
the hour. Disagree with discretion only. Tell 
the professor how interested you are in his 
branch and ask him at once if it would be pos- 
sible to get into several of his classes next year. 
Confer with him as to your future courses early 
and avoid the rush. 

Even though he be a laboratory assistant, ad- 
dress him as professor or doctor. Judiciously 
request further light upon some part of the 
term's work, and thank him profusely for clear- 
ing up the one point that you have been unable 
to understand. Explain that it is your inten- 
tion to make his work your major through life. 
Make your fountain pen operate continuously, 
even though you fill the pages with verses and 
57 



58 SUBSTITUTE FOR STUDYING 

your signature. Ask concerning possible out- 
side reading, and consult with the professor at 
least once each week. 

Read up on the war or any other hobby that 
is common to professors, and " spring " some- 
thing each time you purposely meet him about 
the campus. Appreciate all approaches and re- 
treats to and from humor with an audible ap- 
preciation. Agree with him on the advisability 
of having more strict eligibility rules, and ex- 
press the opinion that future days will not find 
you active in activities because you have learned 
how foolish they are. Fill all examination pa- 
pers with the English language. In the absence 
of facts, write fluently. Afterwards explain 
that you misunderstood what was wanted. 
Thank the professor at every opportunity. 
Will you pass.f^ Well, perhaps you will and 
again — . 



DERELICTS OF LIFE 

All do not succeed. In every police court, in 
every settlement house, in every rescue mission, 
stories of failures are written, lives of failure are 
lived. Colleges contribute men and women to 
this army. Derelicts of former football heroes, 
social leaders, leaders in business, professional, 
and educational lines drift in stagnant waters. 
The breezes that could fill their flapping sails 
come not, and like the wrecks and hulks of ves- 
sels once valued, they remain waiting for the 
final storm that sends them to the bottom. 

Will you be one of this great army.? You 
say that you will succeed, and yet you may now 
be feeding yourself by handfuls into the ever- 
recruiting undercurrent of failure. We learn 
by experience and we are frequently destroyed 
in that obtainment of knowledge. After we have 
failed in living we can see why we have failed. 
Wise persons can look ahead and see that they 
are to fail unless certain habits, certain ideals, 
are changed. 

Youth does not think of failure. Old age 
with failure thinks of the mistakes of youth. 
The man or woman who looks back upon the 
59 



60 DERELICTS OF LIFE 

days when fortune smiled upon them, finds little 
consolation in the thought that he or she was at 
one time a man or woman of strength and power 
and responsibility among men and women. The 
remembrance of one day when the crowd ap- 
plauded the hero of the gridiron, is sweet to the 
failure until the recollection of the then circum- 
stances sweeps away the memory in a flood of 
regrets. The eye will brighten and the better 
self may assert itself for the moment as thoughts 
of that fleeting instant return, but the wreck of 
time will not but be sad that succeeding days 
did not bring added triumphs and greater 
achievements. 

So live that when time touches the active hand, 
you will be found one whose success was lifelong 
instead of daylong, and it will be said of you 
that you lived well. 



BEING HAPPY ALWAYS 

You are always happy. Why is it? Why 
not, friend? The man who rules his spirit is 
greater than the man who wins the world. 
Troubles are not troubles. They are only re- 
flections that we see darkly. When we get the 
brighter viewpoint, we are again happy. Unless 
a man is sick, he has no excuse for unhappiness. 
Then it is only an excuse. 

Optimism is the mother of invention. The 
pessimist never won a battle. He never con- 
quered himself. He cannot conquer others. 
Never weary of work. Weary of being idle. 
Never yearn for more friends. Befriend more 
and you will be " friended." 

Every " lucky " man is happy — but not be- 
cause he is lucky. Luck comes with happiness. 
They are never found alone. Sing, and the 
world is filled with song. Groan, and you are 
alone in this world. What is the difference be- 
tween the bark of the dog and the purr of the 
cat? Let me make some one happy and I care 
not who says I ever lived in vain. I am happy. 
I want to make some one else more happy, and 
I will be happier. All's right except ourselves. 

When we get right, the world will be perfect. 
61 



THE WORLD TODAY 

A wonderful place is the world today. It is 
trying to express itself, and it is succeeding. 
The people of the world are realizing that they 
should have better lives by living better. They 
are discovering that they have more to say con- 
cerning their own fortunes than they did a cen- 
tury ago. They are asserting themselves be- 
cause they have this new world-spirit convic- 
tion. 

The world today is critical everywhere, and 
contemptuous in places. In some lands it de- 
mands reform, in others revolt and revolution. 
Part of the world is at war with deadly instru- 
ments of destruction. The entire world is at 
war with corrective instruments of construction. 

The old order changeth. Man is not estab- 
lished in idealism. The established order must 
be remade and remodeled to conform with the 
new spirit. Civilization is a garment in a world 
of changing styles and patterns. If it does not 
fit, we change it. State and church and society 
are being refashioned. Interrogations are the 
indices of coming changes. Business and school 

and government are being rebuilt of better cloth. 
62 



THE WORLD TODAY 63 

All human interests find place in this new 
world of today. In the process of construction 
the world of today is not well balanced, but that 
idealism of proportions is coming rapidly. 
Public service is the keynote that is bringing 
about public good in every land and clime. The 
people are struggling for different relations to 
the external and the internal. The prophet is 
coming into his own in his own country. 
Despite many and important exceptions, all's 
well with this world of today. 



HIGHBROWS — BY A LOWBROW 

Is a highbrow a person with a quail-on-toast 
gift of gab and a mush-and-milk intellect, a men- 
tal steeple-jack, or a man who can quote Sartor 
Resartus, but cannot repair the broken screen 
door? Collier's is attempting to arrive at a 
suitable definition of the much-used and ever- 
abused term. 

Two hundred and fifteen answers were ob- 
tained. Among the definitions offered were the 
following: " One whose academic nature or ap- 
pearance gives the impression of being conceited 
and ineffectual ; one cultured who knows it and 
shows it, the person whose brain has extin- 
guished his heart, as a vegetable all gone to top ; 
one who thinks only with his face; one who al- 
ways knows what he wishes to like, but has never 
succeeded in liking it, who would read Xeno- 
phon's ' Anabasis ' at the breakfast table " ; and 
" one who always thinks he knows, but does not 
know he seldom thinks." 

Answers were sent out from forty-one differ- 
ent states. The above are the ones that were 
selected as the best obtained. What a worthless 
list of partial definitions ! We believe we could 
64 



HIGHBROWS — BY A LOWBROW 65 

do better ourselves without half trying. We be- 
lieve that a highbrow is one who wears mistletoe 
all the year, who knows a more recent dance, 
who has a new Ford story, who can open each 
conversation with a pun, who never shaves before 
breakfast because he doesn't get up in time for 
breakfast, who wears silk socks at all times, who 
eats crackers with a fork, or who " rolls his 
own " for other than economical reasons. 

If steamboats require nine feet of water in 
order to run, a highbrow could navigate easily 
on a heavy dew. If we could get a negative of 
the average senior's egotism, we would have a 
realistic picture of a highbrow. Do give us 
something harder, editor. 



DANGER! BUSY MEN! 

"The danger of busy men is that they will allow 
each day to be filled with many small details and 
not hold themselves to any solid large piece of work 
that shall call forth the largest and best." 

There is an art to the business of living so 
that ideals are realized and so that happiness 
will come with the years. In a college com- 
munity, as in the outside world, careful thinking 
is necessary to bring about accomplishments. 
The proper amount of good-fellowship and 
activity participation is necessary, but the 
major work must be along scholastic lines. 

President King's quotation applies especially 
to the college student. Mere instinct or acci- 
dent cannot bring realization of worthy ideals. 
Reflective action is fundamental. Do you know 
why many students neglect their studies.? One 
of the greatest reasons is because the students 
endeavor to " stand in " with the bunch, and be 
good fellows. They want to be the right sort 
to take part in social life, and they are flexible 
to persuasion. They go more than half way, 
instead of stopping at the happy medium. 

Just about as true a statement as is contained 
66 



DANGER! BUSY MEN! 67 

in philosophy is that " life is what we make it." 
Reaching for the moon is considered childish, as 
something that should not be in mature life, and 
yet we question but that it has value. Certainly 
the striving to attain high ideals, some of which 
are about as far away from realization as the 
moon, is of great value. 

Every student should have a unity in his plan 
of life. He should be working toward the 
achievement of a " solid, large piece of work," 
and he should avoid the temptations of attractive 
details that will detract from the value of the 
large work. 

In the university the danger is that students 
will forget their real life work, to better achieve 
which they have come to college, and wander 
down the byways offered by activities and social 
life. They will fill their days with supplements 
and avoid the fundamental. Keep thinking 
about what you intend to do after you gradu- 
ate ! Work toward your life work continually. 
If you haven't selected any, think hard and 
choose wisely ! 



FABLE OF THE EMPTY WAGON 

There was once a coed who had the impression 
that she was just about the last word in refine- 
ment and class. She believed that the royal 
road for her was the highway of social achieve- 
ment. She didn't live in the Hall, and she pro- 
fessed ignorance of any 10:30 rules. In fact, 
she liked to boast of her after-the-theater cha- 
fing-dish parties. 

As a chafing-dish cook she did have a good 
supply of talent. She could also manipulate 
the rag pedal on her Steinway so that the 
syncopation naturally kept the neighbors within 
voting distance cognisant that she had com- 
pany. 

Her best stock in trade was a complete assort- 
ment of new dancing steps. Vernon Castle just 
beat her to the fox trot, and New York society 
could learn a lot of new stuff if they could watch 
this girl. 

This same coed was much rushed, as we have 

intimated. The third visit was Waterloo for 

each of the rah-rah boys who fell for her. The 

third time lost the charm. She only had one 

record and that was not nearly so attractive 
68 



FABLE OF THE EMPTY WAGON 69 

after it was repeated three times. Usually the 
boys gave her the benefit of the doubt the second 
time and blamed it all on carelessness. The 
third time that the chatter started they tried to 
get her to say something different, and found 
that nobody was home upstairs. They went 
away disgusted with themselves. Also they 
never came back ; and therein lies the moral. As 
soon as an empty wagon comes round the corner, 
few are there who cannot tell that it is empty. 



OBSERVING NATURE 

How many wings has an ordinary fly? Why 
do white sheep eat more than black sheep ? How 
many legs has a spider? In walking, what is 
the relation between the swinging of your arms 
and the moving of your feet? How many toes 
has a chicken, a pig, and a dog? In which end 
of the bee is the sting? Does a cow, in rising 
to a standing position, get up on her hind legs 
or her front legs first? Which does the horse? 
How many joints in your great toe? 

Such questions as these were asked one hun- 
dred and fifty students in a zoology class 
recently, and the correct answers were few and 
far between. Perhaps you may question the 
value of knowledge of the answers to these ques- 
tions, but at least you will agree that the culti- 
vation of your powers of observation would be 
worth while. A column of such questions could 
be inserted here without difficulty in obtaining 
ones that would baffle most of the students of the 
university. 

Why do white sheep eat more than black 

sheep? We wish we knew, because there must 

be some important reason that would, perhaps, 
70 



OBSERVING NATURE 71 

give us a clew to the reason why certain students 
succeed and others fail, why some professors are 
liked and others disliked, and a lot of other ques- 
tions that should be subjects of thought. 
They that have eyes — you know the rest of the 
commandment. 



MERE PRETENDERS 

Among the many in a university are the pre- 
tenders. They do more than bluff. They wage 
a campaign in the interest of making a good 
false impression on the instructors. In class and 
out, they adopt a smooth, hypocritical behavior, 
designed to draw the attention of the instructors 
to their eagerness to learn. They are sancti- 
monious, and they think they are cleverly de- 
ceiving everyone. So does the ostrich, we are 
told, when he hides his head in the sand. 

When we were back in number three we used 
to call certain students " teachers' pets." They 
brought apples and wild-flowers to the teacher. 
The students who were not " pets " considered 
the methods used in direct violation of the pro- 
prieties. Verbal bouquets take the place of the 
spring beauties in the fashions of university life. 
Sitting in the front seats has not been sup- 
planted, and flattery is changed only as to the 
wording thereof. 

Bluffing is another part of the system. Ask- 
ing clever questions that are supposed to show 
an interest where absent, requesting outside 

reading in excess of the work given, explaining 
72 



MERE PRETENDERS 73 

why an examination was not meritorious, and 
furnishing alibis for every failure, are included 
in the ethics and manners of the pretenders. 

There are only a few of them, at that. Usu- 
ally the persons wake up to the folly of pretend- 
ing. At best, pretending is only a crutch, and 
a crutch helps the weak but cannot conceal the 
weakness. The pretender does not deceive 
others — he deceives himself. 



CURE FOR DISCOURAGEMENT 

Scattered through the student body now are 
individuals who are up against a solid wall of 
what they think to be the impossible. The more 
they study, the less their studies seem to mean 
to them, and they have begun to doubt and dis- 
trust their own ability. 

These discouraged ones had dreamed of col- 
lege life. Their concepts were of friendships 
galore, a social program unceasing, a busy ac- 
tivity among college interests, with studies tak- 
ing a pleasant place in the background. They 
may now be first-year students, who have com- 
paratively early discovered that the professors 
have a sort of Jack Frost attitude toward the 
hot-house variety of students who are unable to 
withstand the approach of the mid-terms that 
come when the " frost is on the pumpkin." Or 
they may have survived several winters, until 
their vitality has gradually weakened, and they 
see no hope of staying in school longer than this 
semester. The professors appear to have 
mapped out a course of study that threatens 
their every waking hour and terrifies them com- 
pletely. Friends and outside interests have been 
74 



CURE FOR DISCOURAGEMENT 75 

lost in the whirl, and the victims are going down 
for the third time. 

When a young college person who should be 
normally happy and healthy gets into such a 
rutty condition that his studies are all muddled 
so that he cannot see the " stars shine through 
his cypress trees," it is certainly time that he 
should begin to take stock of himself and to 
examine himself and his methods. Stop a bit, 
quit making scared motions and terrorized dodg- 
ings from one class ordeal to another, stand off 
from the crowd, take a good look at your- 
self, and map out a different course of action. 
Do not give up, as long as you have any desire 
to keep any foothold on the ladder of success. 
Hang on until you are able to get a glimpse up- 
ward, and then start all over to climb. 

If you have been reading vast amounts of 
literature without getting anything from it, 
change your methods. Skin through it, outline 
it, brief it, summarize it, or even commit it — 
just so you change your ways and get started 
into some channel that leads somewhere, instead 
of in a circle. Being discouraged is a condition 
that we all have experienced and will experience. 
You are not the only person who has attacks of 
the " blues." You are not the sole person who 
believes that he or she is " up against it." In a 
week, or a month, or even a few days, you may 
be wondering why it was possible for you to 



76 CURE FOR DISCOURAGEMENT 

have thought that the outlook was bad. Get 
started right, and then let in the clutch, shove 
yourself into high gear, and keep your hand on 
the wheel. Keep out of any new ruts that you 
may encounter and guide yourself straight 
through college into some life work that is worth 
while. 



CLOISTERED CULTURE 

A difference there is between the somewhat 
artificially constructed standards that we follow 
in the cultured halls of college and the more 
practical point of view that belongs to the world 
of the butchers, the bakers, and the candlestick 
makers. 

Too often after we go through college we fol- 
low borrowed standards that represent the cul- 
ture of a few rather than the culture of the 
crowd. Ofttimes, but not always, the culture of 
the few is apt to be like the critic's appreciation 
of art — it does not touch the sympathies of the 
crowd. When we follow the lead of borrowed 
standards and do not endeavor to keep our feet 
on the ground, we go stepping about with our 
heads in the clouds and do not keep in touch with 
real life. 

We often judge art and literature, music and 
religion by what people of a certain type say 
about them, without trying to make up our minds 
independently or using our abilities to interpret 
the things that make up life. We form an esti- 
mation of a show after we read the report of the 

dramatic critic. We like a certain opera singer 

77 



78 CLOISTERED CULTURE 

because her press agent considers that she is 
better than her competitors, and we do not try 
to appreciate her or her merits. 

Not that we should not give proper considera- 
tion to those who are in position to judge, or 
to understand better as a result of wide ex- 
perience and long study. We should not try to 
steer our ships along uncharted seas and en- 
deavor to keep away from other kindred sails, 
but neither should we always follow the courses 
laid out by pilots who have sailed only on the 
calm seas of culture, for we will miss many of the 
experiences that come to those who steer where 
sail the craft of everyday life. 



COLLEGE MEN'S ENGLISH 

Few college courses can be measured in dollars 
and sense, or rather cents, in the way that we can 
measure the value of English. The ability to 
use and write clear, concise language is uncom- 
mon, when it should be universal among college 
graduates. 

" Am university graduate, 23 years old, will- 
ing to accept a fair salary and work up. Hope 
you can see me for that job of yours," is not 
unusual as a sample of the sort of language and 
the style of writing that our graduates use. 
While it is hard to tell which college sends out 
the most horrible examples of contortionists of 
English as " she is spoke," it is certain that the 
students of such a college as engineering should 
endeavor to learn how to write a fair letter or to 
make a report that could be understood by some- 
one other than a college man addicted to the 
same code of words. We hardly think that the 
habit of leaving out pronouns, as in the above 
example, is due to a desire to avoid egotism, and 
it is really frowned upon by anyone who has 
any understanding of the value of pronouns in 
connected discourse. 

79 



80 COLLEGE MEN'S ENGLISH 

A knowledge of English and the ability to use 
it means that a person enters his profession 
without a disadvantage similar to that of 
foreigners who cannot speak our language. 
Talk about teaching English to foreigners — 
how about teaching English to Americans? If 
you are an engineer, and you complete an im- 
portant work, upon which you have to report 
something as follows, " She's all done, concrete 
according to specifications, ironwork as per blue 
prints, etc., hope it is O. K. Yours," — because 
you do not know how to prepare what you have 
to say in complete sentences, you need to go back 
to college and study again. A well-written let- 
ter that tells what you wish to say and leaves the 
impression that you desire is necessary if you do 
not wish to misrepresent yourself in your 
absence. So, while engineering teachers deplore 
the inability of engineers to handle words ac- 
cording to the dictates of grammar, and while 
the courses at present omit proper attention to 
such an important side of their instruction, stu- 
dents who hope to make some sort of an upward 
rise in the engineering profession should en- 
deavor to correct their present English deficien- 
cies. 



BEING SO FUNNY 

Ever notice those pseudo-humorous students 
who breeze in and out, tossing around sentences 
and phrases of cheap wit that pass for humor, 
but are really silly? When a person makes a 
statement, the " funny " man takes it up, and 
makes it the excuse for chatter that would make 
a blue jay's conversation sound like one of 
Bacon's essays. 

It isn't that the few people mentioned are 
bores that we make mention of the character- 
istics, but that when such a person continues 
being " funny," he gets a reputation that is hard 
to overcome. He is thought of as being quite 
a joke, and nothing that he can say in a serious 
tone will be taken seriously. 

Be careful about your use of cheap puns and 
slang. Frequent jests and an " infinite deal of 
nothing" get one into a habit that is hard to 
break. He finds that he cannot ask a question 
in class without bringing into play a lot of slang. 
His fellow-students never expect him to say any- 
thing worth while, because they expect only that 
he will " pull something." 

81 



CHERRY PIES AND LIFE 

Life is like a cherry pie. Life includes every- 
thing that we know anything about, so that we 
can liken everything to a cherry pie or to the 
cherry-pie-output of the ages. 

Cherry pies are primarily good. Put a 
generous portion before us and a fork in our 
right hand, and we will enjoy ourselves. Let us 
start at the apex of a wedge. Timidly at first 
we sever a minute portion and taste of it gin- 
gerly. 'Tis delightfully edible. The second 
bite and the third emphasize our first impres- 
sions. Cherry pie is inspiring. For shame, ye 
bards of ages gone, that ye did neglect so ideal 
a subject upon which to base your masterpieces. 
A lock of hair, a rose, or an ankle so neat, — 
how can such subjects be chosen when here is a 
piece of cherry pie before us.? 

Cherry pies are not perfect, however, as your 
second thought will show. There are seeds in 
all properly prepared cherry pies. We have no 
interest in seeded cherries, at least in our solil- 
oquy. We intend to draw a comparison between 
cherry pie and life, and seeded cherries would 
interfere. Seeded cherries are designed only to 
be compared to Utopia. 

82 



CHERRY PIES AND LIFE 83 

Life is not perfect. There are imperfections, 
just as there are seeds in our pie. There is 
usually burnt crust on cherry pies also. Life 
usually has some burnt crust to spoil our en- 
joyment and we eat of it and regret. If there 
were no seeds nor burnt crust in life, we would, 
instead of should, all be as happy as kings, 
figuratively speaking. 

We must admit that life and cherry pie are 
both good. Let us enjoy both in the fullest 
sense, and after we have eaten some of our por- 
tions, let us not complain because of the presence 
of the seeds or the crust that is blackened. 
" Some days must be dark and dreary " is the 
lesson that might have been expressed even more 
truly had the poet pointed out that " some bites 
must contain seeds and burnt crust." 



GROWING UP 

There is a penalty attached to growing up, 
as well as a recompense. Even though our 
years lack a few of the quarter-century mark, we 
find, with the things that are now easier to do, 
a number of things harder to do. 

It's harder to think the truth about ourselves. 
It's harder to keep from realizing extravagantly 
our importance in the scheme of things. It's 
harder for us to be honestly what we are, at a 
stage in our lives when the tendency is to pretend 
to be more than we are. 

If you are rough, be rough, and you will be 
liked. If you are an intellectual genius, be that, 
and you will get due deference and respect. It 
is the chap or the girl that isn't anything con- 
sistently, but who can be anything seemingly, 
that should earn our suspicion. 

If you like to read poetry, don't be ashamed of 
it. If you write poetry, do not cover it with a 
mighty scorn. No one will love you less — if 
you are your true self in doing it. You feel a 
secret joy in the things that you can do and the 
matters that you like to work out. Do them, 
and work hard at them, and you will succeed in 

gaining the respect of your fellows. 

84 



GROWING UP 85 

We often try to appear even more grown up 
than we are, and we fail to impress people by so 
doing. If you like students who are not gener- 
ally liked, do not apologize for them. Be square 
and honest yourself in all your relations. 

We are growing up rapidly at college. A 
month adds more to our mental stature than a 
year means to many who do not get their educa- 
tion in a university. We are casting away the 
childish things on all sides. Perhaps we are 
tossing by with them some things that are not 
childish. We may be throwing anchors over- 
board that will be needed when the first storm 
comes. Be careful what you discard. 



PERSPIRATION AND INSPIRATION 

During the Christmas holidays we read several 
of the latest *' best sellers " — from the which 
act, as we might cleverly remark, we derive fur- 
ther proof that most of the so-called inspiration 
is merely perspiration. The person who writes 
the present popular fiction book is surely not 
deeply inspired. 

The hero acts in the usual bromidic manner. 
He becomes deadly pale, squares his shoulders, 
looks the villain as nearly square in the eyes as 
is permitted by the second party, hits said vil- 
lain square from the shoulder, and kisses ten- 
derly in the last chapter. He still converses in 
the following happy vein : " Take that," " I 
am innocent," " Do your worst ; I defy you." 

The villain sneers every few paragraphs, 
stalks instead of walks, and sardonically tells the 
officer to do his duty when the papers are dis- 
covered. He stands aghast, declares that it is 
false, and uses an oath whenever the action needs 
a tonic. 

The heroine smiles sweetly and sobs bitterly 
under various conditions. She whispers chok- 
ingly and murmurs pleadingly as of yore. Her 
86 



PERSPIRATION, INSPIRATION 87 

farewells are fairly well written, and she still 
flings herself into his arms before the assembled 
company. Her father snorts, shouts, flushes, 
fumes, refuses, and suppresses as the author 
steers the way through the scenes and scenery. 
The siren still holds the copyright on all lolling, 
gloating, curling, and gliding, as well as several 
standard phrases. 

The detective comes up to our expectations 
now as in the time of Poe and Maupassant. He 
sits sphinx-like, knits his brow, peers keenly, 
speaks calmly, and yawns in a bored fashion, 
while every one else is head over heels in excite- 
ment. Really, he's clever, you know. The 
cap, the cane, and the magnifying glass, and a 
handy clue and trail is the remainder of his 
stock in trade. Of course, to all these charac- 
ters you must add some phase of a social evil 
to furnish the bite to it all, but surely that is not 
hard. Where is the inspiration needed.? 



TEN LITTLE INDIANS 

Ten little, nine little, eight little Indians; 
Seven little, six little, five little Indians; 
Four little, three little, two little Indians; 
One little Indian boy. 

Our " kid " brother sings a song about ten 
little Indians and their gradual elimination until 
but one little Indian is left. We never saw ten 
little Indians sitting in a row, but we can 
imagine just how they would appear. We can 
imagine one chubby chap falling off backwards, 
leaving nine, and so on, until nine had disap- 
peared. We can imagine ten little Indians com- 
ing to college as freshmen, and we can see them 
in fancy dropping out of the row until just two 
or three, or perhaps only one, remain to get a 
diploma. It isn't hard to imagine that, for 
truth is just as accurate as fiction. 

Ten little freshmen were sitting in the front 
row of a class last September. Perhaps each 
was determined that he would remain in that row 
through four years. Now there are two vacant 
seats every day and several others are irregu- 
larly filled. 

We asked our little brother one day what hap- 

88 



TEN LITTLE INDIANS 89 

pened to the nine Indians that departed in his 
song. He didn't know. We will never find out 
why there are two vacant seats in the front row 
of the class just described, but we can guess and 
so can you. Life is a spelling bee, or each day 
of life is a spelling contest in itself. All honor 
to the Indian who survives the elimination test. 
Which Indian will you be? 



THROUGH THE AGES, ROUND THE 
WORLD 

Must a man be a master musician to fly away 
out of, into ? What a fallacy ! Come — a trip 
into fancy-land with us on the flat-wheeled bark 
that we know as a typewriter. Back into the 
eighteenth century will we go, forgetting the 
punching and the thumping of the unmusical 
keys as we leave through the open window, out 
into the night, back through the years. 

Look into that room — soft-lighted with 
sober candles, and filled with treasures of the 
past. There are powder puffs and fans, sedan 
chairs and patches. On through the night we 
go. There are woodlands tingling with night 
noises. Hark ! a brook is singing along its 
brambly way. The country-side is beautiful, 
whether we find it mellowed with the soft luster 
of Indian summer, gay with the laugh of spring- 
time flowers, fierce with the fury of wintry 
storms, or quiet with the sombre harvest attire of 
late autumn. 

Let's look for lovers rather than sorrow-filled 
actors. Forget the misery and the crime. We 
are in search of ladies lovely, who have waited 
90 



THROUGH THE AGES 91 

in the lingering twilight. Minuets and pow- 
dered wigs do we find back in the quiet of fancy- 
land. Or we enter the coffee houses, where life 
and strife and good-fellowship do abound. We 
glimpse the highway man, or we visit a play. 
Ah, the delicate mignonette and the quivering 
voice of the magic bow that tells what lips 
cannot. 

Sail the Spanish Main with us. Yo ho, 
hearties. Ocean wild — what care we — gen- 
tlemen of adventure as we are. Lower the miz- 
zenmast — be there such a thing. If not, reef 
the top-sails and fling wild the halyards, for we 
ride before the gale. Here we are at China- 
town. Screens, swarming with golden dragons, 
more fans, tea with magic brewed. But quickly 
back must we — to our third-floor room and the 
thumping typewriter. We are shivering. We 
disembark, and as it is time, we take passage to 
another fair land — that ruled by the sand man. 



THE COLLEGE MAN 

As long as the popular idea of a college man is 
the same conception as is commonly found in 
the magazine clothing advertisements, there will 
be a number of freshmen who will have to re- 
model their views regarding the college man and 
the college life. The " college man " who is pic- 
tured languidly gazing into the entrancing eyes 
of a seashore fairy or a chocolate-nibbling coed 
is seldom seen on or off the stage. Mandolins, 
bull pups, gigantic briar pipes and six-cylinder 
cars are scenic effects seldom used in real college 
life. 

College is not a comedy entitled " Mother and 
Father Pay All the Bills While We Have All the 
Fun." Clothing dummies have a habit of disap- 
pearing at college soon after the exit of the 
straw hats. The sifting committee of the 
faculty works without considering the size of 
dad's bank-roll or the cut of the tartan plaid. 
The label within the head is more importance 
than the tailor's trade mark on the coat. Even 
a high school record is about as useless on a 
campus as a cancelled check. Few people pros- 
per when they try to live on alibis. Talk and 
92 



THE COLLEGE MAN 93 

act in the present tense. Don't try to imitate 
the " dummy " college chap — be the real type ! 
Get into the swing of things ; don't take a month 
to become acclimated. Remember that the real 
reason why you can stay at college is because 
you can work and work hard. When you be- 
come a real college man, you will cease to envy 
the clothes-horse type. 



I WISH I WERE HOME 

I wish I were home, for I'm lonely. 

A lump's in my throat and it chokes. 
I want to go home, to be only 

This day on the farm with the folks. 

Does this bit of verse awaken in you that trait 
common to everyone — homesickness? When 
you sit in the clatter of dishes, when you sheep- 
ishly pick up a portion of this vegetable and a 
section of that pie, when you glance over a 
greasy menu and tell the waiter that you are 
least antagonistic to " roast beef," do you oc- 
casionally think of the comparison between here 
and home? It may not be back to a farm that 
your thoughts travel, it may be to a home of 
yesteryear that is no more ; but it's real to you, 
and you can look across the days or years and 
see the old scenes, live again the yesterdays rich 
in memories. 

Cheer up ! This is not an editorial with in- 
tent to create homesickness or lonesomeness. 
It's just a rambling discourse suggested by a 
few stray thoughts. While we are about it, 

however, it might be well to moralize long enough 
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I WISH I WERE HOME 95 

to say that homesickness and loneliness are signs 
that we are still quite human, even though we 
are college students. We're not going to quit 
just because there is a place back home that we 
would like to see just now, or because there are 
folks back there who would like to see us. On 
the contrary, we are going to say, just " for a' 
that." 



" IN A FRIENDLY SORT O' WAY " 

When a man ain't got a cent, and he's feeling kind 

o' blue. 
An' the clouds hang dark an' heavy and won't let 

the sunshine through, 
It's a great thing, O my brethren, for a feller just 

to lay 
His hand upon your shoulder in a friendly sort o' 

way. 

Riley. 

Lots o' fellers here at college get to feelin' just 

as blue ; 
Work piles up; they get discouraged till they 

don't know what to do ; 
Tell you, boys, it's up to us to have a word or 

two to say 
To the chaps that get discouraged — in a 

friendly sort o' way. 

Anyone ever act in a friendly sort of way when 

you needed a friend? Certainly someone has, 

for that's the sort of thing that happens in this 

world of ours. There's a lot of friendliness 

scattered round about, and you have bumped 

into your share, no doubt. Have you helped 
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IN A FRIENDLY WAY 97 

along, though? Does someone here on the 
campus look at you when you pass along and 
say to himself: "There's a fellow that's a 
friend of mine "? What does it matter that he 
says that you are a football player, or a senior, 
or gives you any other distinction, if he cannot 
say that you are the right sort of fellow? It's 
like gaining the world and losing your health. 

We heard an incident the other day that made 
us change our ideas about a fellow here at col- 
lege. This chap has always been a sort of 
grouch, not particularly interested in the school, 
or in activities. We found that he had been 
tutoring a freshman who was about to drop out 
of school, and pulling him through. These 
things happen, you know, even though you may 
not see them from your automobile or in the sets 
you run with. This senior had acted in a 
" friendly sort o' way " that Riley speaks of, 
and he has made a true friend of a youngster 
that needed a friend. Here's to the man that 
did it, and here's to the youngster that was 
helped. He knows what friendliness means and 
he will do the same thing some of these days. 



BALLAST AND CARGO 

Years ago ships were accustomed to carry 
great weights of ballast. Much more energy 
was expended in carrying these heavy stones 
from port to port than the stones were worth. 
After years of this useless device for enabling 
ships to sail, the owners started to carry cargoes 
rather than ballast. The same machinery that 
lowers the cargo into the hold is able to lift 
it out. 

Many a college student is carrying ballast 
instead of a cargo on his voyage through school. 
He stores his brain with a vast amount of ma- 
terial, and he is planning to hold on to this 
material through the voyage of life. Probably 
it is material that he could hardly unload easily 
if he desired. To continue the simile a little 
farther at this point, it is good council to urge 
students to sort over their cargoes occasionally, 
and to determine just what they have on board. 
Cargoes have a habit of becoming mildewed and 
of little use long before the proper port is 
reached. 

There may be exceptional cases where there is 

no need for some sort of rigging that will enable 
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BALLAST AND CARGO 99 

the cargo to be unloaded easily. If the cargo is 
exceptionally valuable, the people might be will- 
ing to come to the wharf and gladly assist, but 
in these days of competition it is best that one 
should be able to give out his knowledge rapidly. 
He should be able to express himself easily, and 
to say what he means, for then he will have a 
better chance of getting full market price for his 
knowledge. 

Before we hopelessly muddle the simile, let us 
urge you, fellow skippers, to load your brains 
with useful knowledge that you can use from day 
to day. Mend your speech so that you can ex- 
plain something without climbing all around the 
furniture. Go over your cargoes occasionally 
and see what you have of value and what is use- 
less. Keep your invoices up to date also. 



REFLECTIONS 

Where is the best place for reflections? Be- 
fore a glowing fireplace, when the flames have 
ceased to leap and the ruddy embers draw the 
shadows close ; atop a load of hay, where you, a 
boy with freckled face and happy heart, may 
have gazed at the sky and wondered, while 
timothy stalks tickled the back of your neck ; in 
a canoe, drifting and trembling with each chance 
twist of the current ; by a campfire, with the 
night noises about and the moonlight playing its 
beams through the trees, and the fairies of fancy 
dancing in the outer ring of the firelight as the 
red coals turned gray ; — or where ? 

Do you like to sit and dream? Do you re- 
member, once upon a time, when you and I were 
much younger, of your daydreams and your 
hopes and longings ? Perhaps you sat before a 
wood fire in the evening. Your storybook was 
finished and you should have long since been in 
bed. And as you gazed into the flickering 
flames that warmingly spluttered, you saw the 
swarthy visages of pirates that sailed the 
Spanish Main. You saw Robin Hood as he 

twanged his bow, and the knights of the Round 
100 



REFLECTIONS 101 

Table as they fared forth, as have you and I 
since then, to match swords with the world. 
You could see Ben Hur, perhaps, as he came 
down the rounded course for the last time in his 
race with the Greek Messala, and you trembled 
and shuddered when the wheels of the chariots 
caught and the horses and men went down to- 
gether. 

The dreams of boyhood and girlhood, and the 
memories of those days, are precious to us when 
we take time to stop and think. Since then we 
have wandered far from the hopes and ideals of 
the lad or girl with the storybook. Some people 
think that we should forget boyhood and girl- 
hood dreams and illusions. Have we.^^ Are our 
dreams and our ambitions childish things, that 
should be put away? It is the dreamer and the 
thinker, the man who takes time to reflect, the 
man who can see the idealistic when the realistic 
is evil, who will live to achieve victories such as 
we did dream of before the fireplace, after the 
storybook was finished. 



